Demons of Mine

I’m Not Here

So when I woke up today

greatnesslieswithin:

For a moment,
         my focus 
  intensified––
there laid bright eyes, and a high-tide
in a smile.

  infinite tiles,
forming illustrious figures,
         crumble
 at the peak of your presence.

 she always takes shy steps
that synchronize
     with thick breaths,
my morning texts.

     I now know
           a hand outstretched,
                 then slowly met

can fully encompass 
the birth of our 
universe. 

Shame

Once more I broke down beside you
You stayed indifferent
I sometimes wonder what you think
When you’re ignoring the content
These times I feel insufficient
But still you chose me whole
With scars and smiles
The one without control
Staked through by beams of light
As if exposing me
That would make me rot inside
I’m ashamed to be
So weak and twisted
Destructive and frail
What is there in me to love?
When I always tend to fail
So why would you choose me
The broken and insane
If you don’t want the bad side
If you don’t want to know my pain

Her Shadow

I knew a ghostlike woman
Without a real form nor any real smile
Like a shell of what she brooded on
And I don’t know what made her hostile
I was hooked in between her claws
Perfect and tidy nails
She forced them into my being
Cut me without leaving any trails
I don’t know why she was unhappy
I don’t know why I was seen as the error
But I attained her verdict
To be inflicted with her tormenting terror

I once was under the reign of a woman
Who needed to convey her hatred
To blame someone for her misfortune
And make someone else the fault instead
I think she didn’t want to see the whole picture
Since she kept herself out of the equation
And to curse an easy victim
Kept her in phase with her evasion
Though she shattered a childhood
And stained my future aswell
I’ll break loose and I’ll move on
But in her shadows is where she’ll always dwell

sleep.

could you please
let me enter your dream tonight
dream of me
give me life
through your mind

could you please
dream of me tonight
let me be a shell
of what I used to be
when I was breathing

Parasite

She’s constantly violating my inside
Wherever my internal organs lie
Trying to find every wrong in me
Ripping up every scab that’s nearby
Anything she can reach is devoured
Any blame she can lay on me is set
She’s trying to take control of our body
Like her pray I’m constantly caught in her net
I cannot even remember who’s flesh this is
If I am the intruding parasite
Or if she fiercely invaded my being
But I know, she’s like the monsters at night
And I stain my hands with red again
I don’t know who I’m hurting anymore
Who I’m trying to drive out of us
I’m not even sure what I’m fighting for
She whispers in my head sometimes
Tells me every ugly aspect of my soul
Everything I don’t dare to think about
Our hands before the eyes and I lose control
Sometimes I vomit in attempts to loose her
When I think the hurt will go away
If I only can seem certain for awhile
Perhaps she’ll loose form and decay
Those times she laughs at me
Mocking my foolishness faking
“You cannot loose yourself,
Every time you try you’ll end up breaking”

War Of Emotions

It’s one of those tormenting days
I know there’s no place to hide
Yet I keep on searching gaps
A safer space where I’d lie inside
Where the hammering from my heart
Wouldn’t echo as much in my ears
If I could just escape the oxygen
Every breath seems so fierce
I find my eyelids trembling
Just like the rest of me
There’s no tomorrow to long for
Since they’re never anxious-free
I rub my forehead with my hands
Their movements hides violence
Chaos reigns over logic
And my senses grow more intense
The battles takes place underneath my flesh
Every cell in me seems to be in conflict
I feel aggravated disgust for myself
At the same time I try to contradict
It’s just a day of many more
One day, I hope to break loose
When I’ll find some sort of peace
But for now I’d be pleased with a truce

Disintegration

Drill a hole in my head
I need to release the pressure
The filth is expanding
My bones cannot hold it back

Cut out this misery
All my blood is suffocating me
Rushing through me
Way too fast for me to handle

Anguish blinds me
I’m looking into a blank nothing
Bright, dimmed sight
I’m watching me disintegrate

Untitled

I seem to loose myself again
I cannot think clear
I readjusted easily
When I had smiles so near
But back into darkness
Pushed right up on a road
That I had walked before
Whereon I’d erode
Acclimating back
Ain’t that fucking gentle
Punishing myself again
Unsentimental
How to reach back
Back to sanity
Leaving behind
This inhumanity
Torture of mind
And torturing me whole
I’ll have to wake up
I need control